“I want adventure in the great white somewhere. I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand to have someone understand I want so much more than they’ve got planned….”
I’ve been unhappy with my work partner, on the truck, for sometime now. I found out today, through a friend, the higher ups have no intention on moving me. Everything I’ve been telling my Capt has fallen on deaf ears. He’s known her for a long time and knows how she is. It was just so disappointing. Then at the end of shift, when I was backing the truck up, she makes a rude comment about me to someone else. I had the windows down so I could see the lines better, but was still wasn’t completely straight. That’s what the comment was about. I got so mad I threw it back into drive, sped forward, backed it up straighter. I realize I’m suppose to have rhino skin, but damn!!
So you know that expression ‘they have a stick up their butt?’ Well it was a pencil. At least that’s what happened to one of our patients. Poor thing. He’s 15 years old and went to sit at his desk at school. As he was sitting down a classmate put a pencil under his bottom and he sat on it. I felt so bad for him. When we got the call I figured it was either another kid trying to get out of school or he was being dramatic. He was given some morphine en route to the hospital and was happy as pie when we took him inside.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once and a while, you could miss it.”
I’m sitting looking at my Facebook page, which I reluctantly broke down and signed up for, and wondering how some of the friends I have on my page have over 500 friends on theirs. I only have 34 and thats with 2 new additions. On one hand I’m jealous and on the other, who could keep up? Something else that bothers me is I seem to always be the one to say hello first. I’ve sat here looking at people come on and off line and unless I say hello, no one pays attention to me. I’m not asking for people to fawn over me, but it would just be nice if someone did acknowledge me.
I woke myself up this morning thinking I was talking to Tifftopia. It was kind of funny.
I had seen a page on my pager that that a collection was being taken for a friend of mine, but I didn’t know what it was for. I found out today what happened. His dad died suddenly of a heart attack. If that’s not bad enough his mom had one at the funeral and died. Being a paramedic he obviously started working her, but she was gone. I can’t even imagine what he’s going through right now. I feel so guilty for having had a good day with a few laughs. He’s been on my mind since this morning. I wanted to call him or send him a text, but I was afraid I’d do more harm than good. I’m planning on putting a card in his work mailbox and sending something individually to him, but nothing I do or say won’t make him feel better. I just want him to know how much I care. I used to have a mad crush on him. I’ve obviously moved on, but I don’t care for him any less. I don’t know if that makes sense. When my friends hurt, I hurt and right now I’m having chest pain and I can’t stop crying. I want to be there for him so bad, but…. He can be an asshole sometimes but there is NO way I would ever wish this upon someone. I know death is part of the job, but it’s not suppose to be your parents. Especially when you’re so young. My heart is breaking for him. I wish so desperately that I could make everything ok. I wish desperately that I could take away his pain!!
I’m wishing for the I love to find me today. I’m hoping and I’m dreaming of the nice things he’ll say.
What’s the matter with me? You’d think a girl would learn. If there’s a prize for rotten judgement I guess I’ve already won that. No man is worth the aggravation. That’s ancient history, been there done that. No chance, no way I won’t say it. It’s still clique I won’t say I’m in love. I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out. My head is screaming get a grip girl unless you’re dying to cry your heart out. No chance, no way I won’t say it. This scene won’t play I won’t say I’m in love. You’re way off base I won’t say it. Get off my case I won’t say it. At least out loud I won’t say I’m on love….
The nurse is his girlfriend. How could I be so stupid?! How could I be so blind?!